Filemū

Mental health days (MHD) are important. I took one recently. And behold – I still worked from home; standard detail as I find it difficult relaxing and genuinely sitting still. It’s a goal to do this more often this year. I’m tossing up a solo-trip in some South-East Asian country or in the Pacific (not to “find-myself”) to take a break, spend time reading and to sit still for a bit.

I took a MHD mostly due to general life-workload, some anxiety about a work issue and not having a break for the past few weekends. I do project work and a bit of actual work on Sundays, Saturday’s are my actual days off.

If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. We meet again lol.

On Sunday nights when I look at the week ahead for work and life in general, I sprinkle some guilt over my conscience for not spending my weekends reading/ learning/ practising how to be a better advocate i.e. for my actual occupation. I’ve got the tools, just not the time because I’m spreading myself thin across these extra-curricular activities. My actual workload is manageable I think.

Filemu means to be still (i.e. nofoaga filemu). To “keep calm”. Be at peace.

If I’m honest, I haven’t been still for a long time, to sit, listen, be at peace and absorb that peace. For fear of not growing to meet the next milestone that demands a more refined version of me. However, the constant “doing” has me questioning that ownership of that milestone at the moment.

When in reality, my intuition is telling me that in order to reach that level-up, I need to be still and listen for a bit. The busy-ness is now counterproductive. A longer hiatus maybe.

There is power in the pause.