Two thousand and nineteen and the decade of self-love/self-work

Last year has been humbly transformational, which I was surprised with. I sent an email to my best friend setting my intentions for the year at the start of it. We have done this every year since we finished university.

Some of the goals were definitely outside of my comfort zone and even though I did not feel courageous enough to achieve them in January, my mind thought I could at least stretch myself towards it. If I didn’t get there – I was ok with that. But I wanted to at least try and keep trying until I got what I wanted.

Quick stats for January 2019 (not including anything to do with my career/kaupapa – that’s a different post):

  • Physical: Not enough quality self-love/me-time routine, was only giving myself the dregs of the week and numbing my mind with social media -_-
  • Mental: Volunteering with IDYP & PSRH – productive and building my skillset, but not genuinely towards my own growth & vision for my future
  • Emotional: have worked through my behavioural issues that I developed from a toxic relationship in my past but still needed to work on this in relation to some core beliefs that don’t serve me anymore
  • Spiritual: really just lacking overall energy and harmony between the different elements in my life – that should be contributing towards a vision for something greater than me – I’m Christian so yes, basically hopes towards better days etc.

Quick stats for December 2019:

  • Physical: I spend a lot more time on weekdays and weekends doing things that genuinely give me joy/happiness (I’m simple to please – a coffee and stroll at the beach makes me happy; also now punching people and risking being punched), and am 15kg lighter for it. There is also A LOT more ocean time.
  • Mental: Breathing space to think about how I can grow my own kingdom (no longer volunteering for PSRH and IDYP);
  • Emotional: my trust issues and communication about my feelings > behaviours has improved. There are still core beliefs I need to address but I am happy with where I am at and will continue to improve in the new year;
  • Spiritual: getting there but this is something I most definitely will work on in the new year.

Extra-curriculars: I’ve already commented on how much my extra-curricular activities have thrown a lot of my life out of balance – at my own doing so I’m not blaming anyone for this. My ex-boyfriends would tell me it was something I should look into for my own wellbeing. As part of this whole 2019 re-invention, I’ve ditched all the extra curriculars that don’t feed my soul anymore. This includes IDYP and PSRH which took space in my mind but didn’t necessarily satisfy me anymore on a soulful level, it became the mantra “this will add to my CV”. You become a robot if that’s the only reason why you do something. I don’t regret any of my time spent towards these organisations, I just want to move onto other experiences that I feel would be more fulfilling.

Since August 2019, I’ve been free of those activities and I am in a much better head-space for it.

And what a good feeling it is to just be able to focus on a smaller set of experiences and goals i.e. quality and intentional experiences, as well as rest and creativity. Tbh that’s probably the most mindful action I took for my wellbeing in 2019.

Relationships: some of my familial relationships have factured after tauma to the vā/relational space. Whether those fractures heal will depend on the work each person within that space puts in. I predict this will take a few more years yet, if not the rest of the incoming decade. But that is ok. If people still put in the work – myself included.

So that was the year that was. I feel like I have grown so much within the space of 12 – 14 months. And it’s set the tone and pace for the incoming decade as I farewell the last.

Points of importance from the last decade include:

  • I completed 2.3 degrees (haven’t quite finished my PgDipPH but we will get there);
  • Did a corporate fight;
  • Became a lawyer;
  • Went flatting;
  • Received multiple scholarships;
  • Went to several (and helped organise a few) conferences;
  • Served on different committees, a board and several projects;
  • Learned how to budget;
  • Bought and sold a few cars;
  • Moved towns;
  • Worked over 12 different jobs;
  • Had a few heartbreaks;
  • Almost cried in Court (R v Queenie aka Piahana)
  • Traveled to over 9 countries;
  • Graduated;
  • Got my own place;
  • Lost people I love dearly;
  • Got more comfortable within my soul & skin

I’m excited for the decade to come, God-willing. I have so much energy I want to give to the people I love and more. And if not, my insurance plan will at least have my family covered.